I hate life alot. Really alot.

It's cruel and so unfair.

Money-minded me...

I am now currently on the bus to church for another session of RGB training. But well, that’s not the point actually. The point here is, I taken the same bus 88 with the same bus licence plate number and farts when coming to a a halt; and this is the 4th time! Omigosh.

Anyways, as I left my house along with the 5bucks given, I thought to myself should I use this money to buy food or save the money into the bank? I got a total of 25bucks; of which 20 is supposed to be untouched and deposited into my bank.

After the K-box session I paid for Jess in nets and she paid me back in cash. By rights I should have 50bucks+/- and after deducting 24 for K-box, I should have around 26bucks. But I was wrong when I found out on Friday. I had a call on Friday that my computer was done so my father gave me some blue notes and to make sure I don’t get robbed or anything, I deposited into my bank. Didn’t had the cance to check the balance but after depositing the total amount was 683.93bucks. 643 was taken out for the upgrade and I’m left with...40bucks? Now can you figure out the reason behind my blog title?

Now that I knew that I had that much, I took out half and took a taxi back home. And if I deposit what I have now, Ill get back the original amount;after K-Box, befor collection of CPU. As for the 5bucks, I can choose to buy food for lunch cum dinner and stuff myself with macdonalds, or I can choose to save the 5bucks, get another 5 from monday's savings and put in a total of 30bucks.

Guess only I have the answer to that question.

After waiting for 2 long,tiring and happy days, its finally here.The one that I have been waiting for... 3.0GHz pentium 4 processor with 1.25GB of RAM, plus Microsoft Office 2003 and tremendous speed. I was like in awe as to the speed my computer has now compared to the "before-upgrade" processor speed. Well at least now studying in ITE is a big advantage to me because computers are what I’m studying about. Anyways, the two days were spent basically 4 places; K-box, Hougang mall, home and school. Thursday was the best day to be at home mapling, but I went to K-box with a close friend of mine. Then it just so happen that we wore the same shirt, but with different design; hers was the femle new world order shirt...and that was for the 2nd time already...suprisingly, I actually had the feeling that she was going to wear it..and there, she did! After she returned her books we headed straight for Hougang Plaza. Took bus 119 and in no time we were there. Suddenly, through a number of questions it proved that I knew her quite well...or was it mere luck?First it was about the winnie pooh screen protector that I bought for her in HK. The condition of it couldn’t last on her handhone, so she asked me to guess where she might put it. I said wallet...She looked at me, stunned and fold her arms like a kid who just threw tantrums. Of course I got the correct answer...Haha. Then we spent the whole afternoon singing songs at K-box I kind of loved the feeling when we sang those kindd of songs that had a male and female voice. It gives the feeling that we are a couple...but still it was just a feeling. I guess it is normal to feel that way in situations like these as long as I don’t wish that it will come true. That was Thursday. Friday was the tiring yet enjoyable moment as well. It was the day for NAPFA..so went on my father's car to get a lift. And I reached there at 7 when I’m suppsed to be there at 8. Thus went studying beside my locker area for the upcoming tests.Then I was interrupted when Tendious came and ask me to meet adeline together. So we went downstairs...saw adeline, waited for wendy and head straight for the stadium... >>Fast forward>> Finally it started...my class did the sit-ups followed by the standing broad jump. And I actually didn’t meet my target; I did less than 40 for sit-ups and didn’t jump far enough for the jump...Well I tried not to be disheartened and continue on with sit and reach. It was only today that I realized the biggest mistake that I have been doing all these years. I did not put my feet apart for sit and reach. And because of this I failed all these years for NAPFA, other than the run. So to cheer myself up, I looked at the list for the passing standards. Under shuttle run, I would need to get a timing of less than 10.2secs to get an A. I laughed to myself, and said I can do it, since I like to run short distances. Thoughts were just running through my mind as to what to do. At one point my head would tell me "Stretch!" or "speed up/slow down." And I did it! I got 10.1secs! Yeah, it is still an A grade to me, at least I tried my best.But at this sttion something terrible happened. Sufen fell down while running and bled terribly. The floor was terribly full of friction and she went over it, thus part of her hand’s skin came out and the flesh was visible. Yuck. Anyways, back to my NAPFA test. The next station was the pull-ups. I always loved pull-ups in secondary school because before my 15th birthday it was always A grade, until that year when I had to change over from inclined pull-ups to pull-ups. Well, it’s not too bad, at least it sort of, separates the boys from the men… Does it? I could only do two because it was so tiring after sit-ups and the badminton instructor in charge of that station told me that my muscles were too tense and thus I couldn’t lift myself up. Blah blah blah…if only I wasn’t that nervous…After which the whole class gathered at the stadium, discussing if we should continue running the 2.4km run. For me, I initially didn’t want to run because it rained just now. But knowing that it’s 6rounds only, I might as well finish it now. In the end, I got 29th position out of everyone in ICT, unsure if it’s a pass but hopefully it is. Now to prepare for the upcoming test on Monday. This blog post was typed on 24th July 2006 on the bus on my PDA.

Haiz...bad thoughts again.

Just now went to triska,jieleng and eric's blog....When I saw each of their blogs, is like I kind of feel left out. Left out as in, they all go k-ster never call me lor...but nvm since I also never go before...then each of them their blogs all got take picture together de...then is like me, even for friendster or anywhere i dont even have my own pic. People always ask me,"you got pic?" then I really don't like what I answer but I have to...so I said, "no". I really don't know why I am thinking about all the negative things lor...
It's like, the whole class is split into 3 major groups; the chinese 'popular', chinese 'unpopular', and the malays and maybe some that has sub groups within. So is like...ARGH. I'm going crazy. I want to fit in, be nice to everyone, friendly, and the person that everyone likes...but I can't seem to fit in even though apparently there's chatting once in a while on msn...etc.

Feel so sad...but will get over it soon...

ANYWAYS...the class chalet is drawing closer and closer...man...yesterday during MME lecture that ms prethi told us that our school holidays start on the 7 July!! Then the chalet was booked during 3-5July. So is like the whole class is startled because of this news. I was like,
"omigosh. 7th july leh...wat in the world...that adam told us is 1st july lor...if not why we book the chalet during 3-5july....dotts sia."
Lucky adam come in just in time, then we checked with him when exactly is our holidays, 'cause if it really clashes with school then definitely the whole class will still go for the chalet, because firstly everyone contributed it and yah, by human nature who would want to 'throw away' the money by not going for the chalet. I'm not sure of the outcome though, but seems like everything seems to be ok, so that shouldn't be a problem.

If only I had no pimples...more self esteem, no curve hair, talk more, and oiless face...I wouldn't really have this kind of thoughts. But well, this is me, made like this. Sometimes circumstances from the world just hit me and some part of me that is good seem to be lost.
In fact I remember that primary school I used to be very talkative and it was written in my report book. But now, come to think of it if this was told to my current classmates, who would believe it man. They'll probably go, "You...talkative...haha..."

See lah. Bad thoughts again.
But I just don't get it. despite how I see myself and how sometimes my friends see me, I actually got an ex...and even though we break up le, she told me she still haven't give me up yet and that she has already rejected 5guys. I mean, am I that good? 5guys rejected just because she hasn't got over me yet. LOL. I'm being so...BHB. but, this is what she told me.

ok, need to sleep le. i shall update the next week.

Time to blog again...I guess the discipline of blogging every saturday can't seem to work after all. Maybe it's just that laziness, born within me.

Well anyways, lots of things have been happening especially on this blog's tagboard. What's all the commotion about man?

To update any reader about my life in school now, I kind of...like it, yet hate it. Why I hate it is because firstly there are tests coming before the term comes to an end and I'm like not studying at all. I mean, what is it with ITE that they have to give all the tests when the tagline reads, "Hands-on, Hearts on, Minds on," or whatever the order is. After being in ITE for one month, I come to realize that, if you know the practical, you know the theory(but it might not be so for everyone though). This can be explained clearly through an example.

Computer Maintenance&Operating System; long term for CMOS. In one of the lessons, we were taught about the "map" in the CPU(in my terms); where the power supply is; where the RAMs are placed; where the Processor is located; what are the different slots called, etc, by dismantling the whole CPU thing, and placing it all back in place. From here, the practical side is to know where the different parts are supposed to be and from there one will learn that one of the slots is called AGP and that is the slot for the graphics card.
Since that lesson onwards, I remembered most of the names of the slots in the CPU(that's for the theory). So it's like kind of linked together and thus I find no reason why this who 'subject' has to have stuff like online tests.

The other thing is everyday I have to wake up by 6.30am, no more, no less. It would have been possible if kids between the ages of 7-17 or pri1-sec5 weren't having their holidays, simply because when my sister needs to go to school, the whole house is waken up somehow. It was worse in the past. Everyday my sister would start the day with scoldings from my mother, but I don't know the reasons why because those days I was still having my holiday. I kind of pity her, but sometimes she really deserved it like throwing tantrums or whatever that she does that my mother finds it disrespectful.
One may say,"Chey, 6.30am only mah...I have to wake up at 5am just to go to school from serangoon to sengkang(for example)!!" Yah true, but this is me. I find myself to be a heavy sleeper. I can never wake up on my own at 6am sharp unless I am woken up by something. This is true because in the past before starting school I can sleep till as late as 1pm! I guess it's just the bad side of me that makes me love sleep so much.

Now for the favourites section. Why I love the life in school.

First and foremost, it's because of the different programmes the school have. From the Games Day events to the different CCAs there are available! man i wish I could join every of those that I like. Well, the pressure is sort of increasing because my name was submitted for Student Council. "Omigosh, Gabriel! you're chosen to be in the Student Council?!"
Haiz, the good old mario-alike teacher, Mr Adam submitted my name just because I asked him what the Student Coucil was all about.
Guess he likes my name coz there's a teacher with the same name as me. Even right at the beginning, he wanted me to be the chairman for the class, and I think it's because of my name that he saw on the class register, but I rejected it.

Secondly why I love school is because of my class. I have never experienced such unity in class ever since after pri 5. In fact, I missed those days until I entered into this class. Although there's still mockings here and there, I believe with all my heart that it was all for fun, no seriousness in between the words. Guess it's also because of the bad experience in Sec 4 as well...I name it the Dark Days.

I guess it's all planned properly by God, that I'm in ITE and having fun altogether.

Time to sleep.

Another scenerio has happened in the life of a person around me...I really feel so sad for her to go through such pain and torture of life. But still as a friend, I can't do anything to help her. What's done was done..She tried to numb the pain within her using cuts on the physical body...I can really empathize with her...feel what she felt, do what she did, etc. It's totally too much for a person to bear.

If I were in her shoes, I would have appeared on news today that I was found on the floor, in a pool of blood...(wait, i live on the 2nd floor...tats too exaggerated...). She shared with me problems with a guy whom she is intimately close with and her family problem. Notice that's it's only typed as "family problem" because she shared one thing with me only...but I believe that there are many more problems that led to her death yesterday...
Don't be mistaken though...not physical death.
This scenerio then dawns on me that how would life be without God for me? Most probably I would have ended up the same way in the past...

Well, if the person I'm referring to is reading this...just want to say that I myself go through this kind of problems...family disagreement, ugly insults from friends...etc. But one thing that is different between how things is solved is that I can always go to God...give my burdens to Him, and He exchanges it for peace in my heart. Though the problem may still be there, the attitude towards it is different. There's a change in the way one sees the problem. I call that the Big Exchange...

For those that are reading this but may disagree with me feel free to voice out since this is a democratic country but bearing in mind that it is to be in a civilized tone...what's there to disagree anyway...

That was one sad senerio...But I have another friend who is also a christian that has a total change over.

Yes, I mean TOTAL CHANGE. Not going to name names...but this female(wow...another one...) friend of mine has gone through 3 stages of change as far as I know.
1.the naive stage(bah...u guessed it...),
2.The "ah lian" stage,
3. The God-fearing stage.

Not going to go much into details for the naive stage but as far as I know, she was in the same school as me...very "shallow-thinking", gets twisted very easily by people's opinions,etc.
After 2years of not being in the same class as her, suddenly we had a chat on the phone. I was overwhelmed. Shocked. Stunned. Or any other adjective u can think of. Being a history student, I can sense that the tone of speech was very gangster-like...Let's say an example...
A:Hey B, so how have you been doing?
B: aiyah, everyday go out lor...slack...hang out with friends...wa sia..then my friends they all go clubbing then so sad I cannot go...what the f***! Haiz..sian 1/2 lor...then that stupid father...always argue with my mother...walao feel like slapping him in the face arh...he think he who arh...can anyhow bully people..."

The dialouge above is just a plain example, even if it did happen it was just a matter of coincidence.

Anyways, back to the point..The main focus is not aobut the speech spoken, but the drastic change from a naive person to someone who is "acting" someone(definitely not her character) in her life, at least that's what I feel. It was only recently that she told me she had been going to CHC Emerge 2006. She was there for all 4 days. Think she enjoyed it alot...

To be continued...

Once again, I'm reaching to that stage of life.

I'm tired out.

I don't know what to do. Anymore.